On Gratitude & Loss

"When you are grateful, 

fear disappears

and abundance appears..."

Anthony Robbins

I keep telling myself that it's only been a week. But it's amazing how quickly my body changed back into pre-baby condition, the nausea went away, and my pants started zipping again.  Louie and I both returned to work yesterday after what was a week honestly spent mostly in bed. I was on some pretty strong medication and still recovering from heavy anesthesia and an allergic reaction to medication during surgery, so most of last week is a big hazy, teary-eyed blur.  Thank goodness for Carissa who has earned her "Supernanny" badge now more than ever. Josie's week was pretty much normal. She knew something was different since we stayed in bed all day, but Carissa kept things very normal for her otherwise.  And it was Josie who kept us closely focused on all that we have to be grateful for rather than all that we had lost.  

Yesterday, I noticed that I was feeling more abundance than I've felt in a long time. If you would've asked me if that would be the case this time last week, I never would've believed you.  But a strange thing happened over the last 7 days.  We lost our baby and we lost our dream of the way we always thought our lives would turn out, but we gained something pretty substantial in return.  The outpouring of support from so many people - from friends, from family and from total strangers - has completely changed the way we see the world. In the last week we have learned who are true friends really are and who we can count on. We have learned that people we don't talk to very much anymore actually think of us quite often. We've learned that so many people we know have experienced unimaginable loss and pain in ways that our experience can only begin to approach.  We've learned that we are not alone. And most importantly, we've learned to count our blessings.  Thank you so much to everyone for everything.  We've read every email, smelled every flower, opened every card, listened to every message and soaked up each and every one.  

Just last night, I looked down at my arm to see the big bruise left from my IV at the hospital.  It was a reminder to me that my body (and my heart) are still healing. There's no doubt that we will always grieve for what we lost last week, but we're not afraid anymore.  We've lost a lot, but we've gained even more. And for that, we're eternally grateful.