We've been feeling pretty good about the fact that we've gotten through 2 years and 9 months without even the faintest hint of "the terrible twos." We personally think that much of the "conventional wisdom" about parenting is a bunch of hooey, so we made a conscious decision early on not to buy into much of it just because "everyone" believes that's the way things are and things have to be.
For obvious reasons (new house, new babysitter while Carissa's out of town, etc), Josie has really been testing us lately. But a little incident yesterday revealed that it really isn't about "bad" behavior, it's about truly trying to figure out the world and definitely just repeating back to us what we have modeled for her. (After all, should a parent be surprised if an angry child raises his/her voice when an angry parent does exactly the same?)
Anyway, here's what happened...
We had exactly 20 minutes to get to the (recently discovered, awesome, peanut-free) coffee shop and back home in time for the HVAC guy to arrive. (Did I mention it's been about 95 degrees around here & our AC broke?!) 20 minutes should've been more than enough time because it is literally 3 blocks away - and we drove to ensure we'd be gone 10 minutes tops. Long story short, I think Josie definitely sensed we were in a hurry & that just created chaos. I've never seen her move more slowly. (Or maybe I have & I just noticed it because her speed wasn't in line with what I needed.) So, we had our coffee and milk, she enjoyed her very first brownie (peanut-free assured) and we headed back to the car with about 12 minutes to spare. About 11 minutes later, she STILL wouldn't get into her carseat. She had pulled every trick in the book - the limp noodle, the "plank" pose, etc. Clearly, I was getting very frustrated. Even more clearly, Josie realized that. And here's what she said...
"Mommy, you REALLY need to be more patient. I'll get into my carseat when I'm ready to get into my carseat."
Seriously? Yup. And she was right.
Sure, there are times (including this one) when I really did need her to listen and do something right then & there. We were going to be LATE. But, my realization was that it was pretty unreasonable for me to expect her to be in a hurry just because I was. After all, if I had just waited until after the HVAC guy arrived, then we could've had a perfectly-mellow trip to the coffee shop without all the fuss.
And, since kids are little parrots, I feel pretty proud that she calmly reminded me to be more patient because that's a little evidence that this is what we've inadvertently taught her through our own example.
Now, I'm not trying to prop myself here. Because I was *steaming* when this all happened. Rather, this is a reminder to myself that I do need to be more patient. Even when (just this morning) our little lady stripped down completely naked in protest on the stairs because I wanted her to walk down them herself instead of being carried. (Truthfully, I'm still trying to figure out the parenting lesson in that one...)
3 comments:
Welcome to my world - trying to get a very opinionated child ready on a strict timeline out of the house every morning. My patience and parenting being tested by the second...but as you found to be true...patience does in deed prevail all! It is amazing to see the difference in Lyla when I am calm and let her "decide" what stairwell she wants to take or what toy or what water bottle or what color crayon or what color shoes - the list goes on and on and on! I look forward to the day when Lyla tells me to "simmer down now" - haha :):)
Seriously, I see that ALL THE TIME with Ronan. He's our perfect mirror, it's incredible and truly puts me in my place and makes me make different choices on how to work with him on a daily basis. You are lucky that Josie has been so easy and laid back. While Ro is a very "good" child (they all are), he's definitely been testing me since about 18 months. Right now, he's VERY defiant. But I try to tell myself that he's this way because, well, we probably tell him "no" too much. Right now, he's started hitting/swatting us (which we definitely DO NOT do, ever), but it's funny, the neighbor boy is the same age as Ro and they are SO frighteningly the same in their behavior and response to things like sharing, emotion, etc, that I do believe that there are certain biological 'steps' that children develop through. I also think, in general, boys are just more defiant/aggressive. Like, seriously, the OTHER, older neighbor boy saw Star Wars and started pretending everything was a light saber. Now Ronan does this. He's NEVER seen Star Wars, or a light saber. But he calls every little stick, fun noodle, what have you, a freaking light saber. CRAZY! Also, the move has totally amplified Ronan's needy, attention seeking behavior. I don't blame him at all. I am soo hoping the calm will come. Happily, he's doing really well with the potty. WOO!
You're an awesome momma, Carri. I always take notes from your entries!
It's always nice to hear other people are having the same issues--it took a little while, but we're now learning that sometimes it is just Violet trying to express her feelings and not knowing how to. Just wait for the first--"I don't like you." I also agree with Catherine--it's almost like some of the behaviors are innate. We've never said "I don't like you" to Violet, but we've definitely said I don't like to different things and she only says this when we're asking her to do something she obviously doesn't 'like' to do. We (Ben and I) have mentioned that we're not sure what this phase is, and we sure don't like it much, but it will be just a phase! And, big changes in routine always bring the worst changes!
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